Day + 4

I am missing my sweetie this morning as I wake up. I may have mentioned that he is my rock and I know we mutually consent to our lives being so intertwined which is why I think it is ok for me to feel empathy for his current situation. He has a full time job, 9 til 6 most weekdays and 9 til 5 saturdays as well as cares for his elderly mother who has Alzheimers and is still living in her own home ;-/ A typical day for him would go something like this: Get up at 7 am, make sure his mom is up and starting her routine; supervise her morning meds; see that she has had breakfast; change the information signs, date, day etc; remind her that homecare will be coming and why, then go to work, usually for 9 {sometimes it's earlier, depending if he has to drive the delivery truck} Then he works all day till 6 pm at which time he may have to stop at the grocery store or bank before going home to fix dinner; sit with his mum while they eat because that is the only way to get her to eat more than a few pecks; and stay up until she starts her bedtime routine; supervise bedtime meds and  she goes to bed for the night. This can be anytime from 9 to midnight depending on what is going through her mind on any given night in particular. Then, almost always without fail, he comes to see me ;-) even if it is only for 10 minutes, "to get his kisses" he says lol There have been a few times when I have told him to stay home because the stress is taking it's toll on his body. We ARE the same age practically, only 6 months between us, born the same year, he a spring baby and me a fall ;-/ I notice that sometimes he looks a little weathered.
Please, don't get me wrong here, this routine has been working quite well since March 2006 or so. It has been since then that he has really had to keep an eye on her though I don't think she was assessed and diagnosed with Alzheimers officially until 2008. Now, he has added stressors, like her frailty; poor thing slipped and fell down the backk 3 steps, breaking her hip in the process a year ago last December. She was in the hospital for a month with the family doing a 24/7 virgil because she had to be reminded every 5 mins why she was there. I thought for sure that it would be recommended that she be moved to a care facility but that did not happen. It was pointed out that she had "help" at home and the decision was made to leave things the way they were.
The latest thing is she is starting to mistake him for his father, who, of course, is deceased. He keeps having to show her his drivers license to convince her she is wrong ;-( The only reprieve he gets from this routine is almost every saturday {Bless them} his brother comes and picks his mum up and takes her to their place overnight. This weekend, however, his nephew has a lacrosse final in B.C. somewhere so my sweetie is looking after their dog is at the house too. His sister is in town too from Vancouver. She has her mum's POA and personal directive so this is a good thing as my sweetie is unable to make any kind of personal/financial decisions for his mum on a daily basis and has to rely on when she comes to visit. ;-/
I find myself in the midst of all the above for as I mentioned before, our lives are pretty intertwined ;-) wondering, with all the baggage my life brings to the equation on top of everything else, just how much more can he take? I know he is trying to stay on an even keel by prioritizing any task that needs to be done, often relegating the least important to the back burner. Why is it that I can see the things that are directly being affected? At home? In his life? But those who are suppose to be closest to him cannot? He often says there are not enough hours in the day and I think What would you do if you had more hours in the day??? Take proper time to rest and rejuvenate, hopefully ;-D When my mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia, I was recommended a book to read called "The 36 Hour Day." It was extremely enlightening and I would recommend it to anyone who is having to care for, deal with, make decisions about their elderly parents or relatives with dementia.
In my humble opinion, this has gone beyond what any one person should have to endure and though he will continue out of love for her, it doesn't make it right. There are ways for both of them to have rich, productive lives; one's in which we can all participate; just like I do with my mum, despite my health issues. Anyway . . . .
It is now just past noon and I am missing my sweetie - Peace