I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. I arrived at the hospital at 10:40 am, with some apprehension but my boyfriend was with me and that helped ;-) The staff were very nice; I was given a gown and robe; had allergy and identification bracelets put on as well as purple marker on the right leg that said in big letters "YES please" and on the left "NO" and a lil happy face. They tried to start an IV in my left hand and couldnt do it in my thin veins lol so had a second person start it in my right hand. I was being given fluids through the IV because I was so thirsty and they had me on one of those gurney beds. Yes, in a position that was causing my foot to go ischemic ;-/ Anyway, I had been trying to rest/doze as I was getting sleepy from the prescriptions they had told me to take in the morning and was falling asleep as my boyfriend was reading to me. Time seemed to drag and then 2 nurses came in and announced that my surgery was being cancelled because STARS air ambulance had just brought in an emergency that required my doctors attention ;-/ It was 2:23 pm.
I have to tell you that in all this time, actually since I knew that this BKA was going to happen, I never once thought about something outside of my control having an effect on whether or not the actual operation happened! That is how resigned I was to this and let me tell you I definitely felt blindsided. It is my own fault though in hindsight, who doesn't factor in emergencies??? The world does not revolve around me; what was I thinking? I guess that I was just trying to be so positive about the whole situation that my mind was not allowing for even the simplest laws of nature, let alone "murphy" {shakes head} Well lesson learned, I hope, but where to now??? I have this deep sense of sudden uprootedness {if that's even a word} It is very hard to describe and not only for myself. So many people had/have a vested interest in this for whatever reason. The outpouring of positive energy has come from hundreds of people many of which I dont even know personally!!! I am very grateful for it all yet I have no desire to go through that again so it is likely that when the hospital calls me, I will not be calling anyone "letting them know" but if I hear from, run into anyone etc. and they ask me, I will tell them. It sounds kinda harsh but I just don't want to go through it again. Just the disorientation alone. I want to thank everyone again for all the well wishes and positive energy; you may not be aware how much it has helped me. I will continue with my blog as it too helps to get my thoughts and feelings out on paper so to speak. Peace
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