It occured to me that I am very fortunate to be able to have choices in what happens to me when I have this operation and subsequent recovery. Though the subject matter could be depressing, I have found that my research has actually helped calm any lingering fears I have and helped me to be more "interested" and take an active part in what is happening to me vs just letting the docs just do whatever they want.
I have thought about how my circumstances are different from the majority of people who have a limb amputated. This is not by accident. I do not have diabetes and I am not in my 70 or 80's suffering degenerative deterioration. I am only coming up on my 50th year and have lived a less than perfect life, of my own doing/making, I might add; don't get me wrong, no regrets, they seem pointless in a world where we learn from our mistakes or miscreations, as I am learning ;-)
My thoughts will now be how to allow the knowledge that I am remembering to mesh with where I am in my life. I see that it would be easy for myself to react in many inappropriate ways, but I will remember to allow my life to be guided.
It just doesnt seem that simple on the one hand and on the other? Why wouldn't it be??
I still have not heard from my docs office and will likely have to call in again later this morning.
Well, it's now 7:13 pm and the only call I got today was from pre-admin for my pre-op appt on . . .pre-admin??? wth?? I thought the pre-op appt included my pre-admin paperwork?!? It is so funny how these bureacracies make their own procedures difficult lol. Anyway, a very nice nurse/receptionist whatever said that it was so I could just go straight to St. Margurites without having to go to admitting at the hospital first ;-/ Then she rattled off something about "in case I had to stay" but she was gone before I could ask what she was talking about. She seemed to know that I was to attend on wednesday so ;-*
She did ask me if I had been there before and I of course replied "several times"lol and she said she thought so as she remembered me from the bypass surgeries. I thought how many times a year do they do bypass surgery??? it must be hundreds! So good memory! It's nice yet strange to be recognized like that and again it prevailed a sense of calm; like going home ;-D I am glad to skip all the paperwork too lol, one would think that with all our new fangled technology that all my "info" including my medical records to date would be at their disposal ;-/ It's like, how do you expect me to remember it all, every major illness {of which I have had few}, every operation/birth/hospital stay. I guess I will have to start writing it down on a list that I carry with me. . .is this a sign of age? lmao
I went out today for lunch with a good friend and to see my Mum at the home. It worries me that her dementia is progressing; they had brought back in her electric recliner and when I arrived and mentioned it, she promptly informed me that she had told them to bring it back because she could not sleep in the bed {shakes head} oh my goodness, this is exactly what the resident manager and I were concerned about so realizing that I/we put energy into that "error," I said to her that it was good she had her chair back for the daytime so they don't leave you in your wheelchair too long but that she would still be sleeping in the airbed at night. She had the most petulant look on her face and all I could think of was: How will this work when I am in the hospital? I am having some success in rearranging my thinking and by that I mean, not worrying so much about the how and more trusting that what will be will be and if it IS the Creator's will, it will be perfect. ;-D Peace
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