Day 8

I can hardly wait to get my life back ;-D Really, this just cannot happen soon enough. I am sooooo sick and tired of my foot burning like it's constantly on fire and not having the circulation to walk 100 yards without stopping to sit ;-( I am going to work hard to learn my new form of mobility. I consider it a challenge lol perhaps a little daunting one but only a little ;-D
It is sort of like sitting on the sidelines of life lately, maybe a little surreal. As people, friends and professionals call me for various things, much of it just gets filtered by the wayside I think, not intentionally ;-( Mostly, I think that it is my attitude towards those "things" that has changed; no longer giving the insignificant or erroneous parts credence or form ;-D Though my outlook is becoming more positive everyday, my physical body is tiring. I am having to take things even slower than a month ago and still initiating the same or greater pain. I thought I was being clever, trying to take it easy; gonna fool my brain into thinking everything is painfree by not initiating pain for it to "map" lol it was a bit of a joke on myself really because the amount of deterioration in the last 6 months is phenomenal and I have just plain HAD to slow down further, whether I wanted to or not. I have been keeping the chronic pain to a minimum, if you can call it that and that has been the best that I could do so far.
I realize that I have been stressing myself over others reactions to what is happening for/to me ;-/ omg, how stupid is/was that??? I have nothing to fear over others feelings/reactions regarding myself or what I am doing lol for if they are not of the purest intent {unconditional love} then they do not exist in a form that can affect me ;-D It is very um . . .uplifting, no, empowering to be reaffirmed in that.
Every day that passes, I feel less burdened and more peaceful, not only with my decision but my life and where it is ultimately headed. I do not know the exact specifics of where I will end up but I do know that it will be right because it will be what I was intended to do and I am VERY ok with that ;-D
I have found that I have an even greater appreciation for my beloved family and friends. I have been blessed with people in my life with whom I can have a true fellowship and I am grateful for that. I joke about how someone "up there must like me" when it is really our right to peace, harmony, love and light in our lives no matter what the circumstances. My "vision" has certainly been shrouded in these last few years and I feel as though it is being restored/corrected; I believe this is a good thing.
As I linger over the keys of my computer, it is now quarter to 2 in the morning of Day 7 and I have my pre-op appointment at 9 am. I have been told to expect a busy few hours ;-/ I am looking forward to having my questions answered, I cannot for sure say all because I am unprepared for this appointment. Yes, you read right, the usually OVER prepared Kismet is totally unprepared for this appointment lol and know what?? It will all be fine. I trust that everything that I need to know or have answered will be at my disposal when the need arises. I will have plenty to write when I return home is my guess lol Till then, Peace